Here is an aphorism from Giacomo Leopardi (1798-1837), Pensieri, Bilingual Edition, trans. W. S. Di Piero (Baton Rouge: Louisiana State University Press, 1981), p. 105:
Men are shamed by the insults they receive, not by those they inflict. So the only way to shame people who insult us is to pay them back in kind.
The only way? This ignores a second way, namely, by turning the other cheek. In some circumstances, this is the most effective way to shame the aggressor. But there is a second problem with Leopardi’s aphorism.
If you insult me, and I insult you back, you are more likely to feel justified in having insulted me in the first place rather than to feel shamed. In addition, you may feel that a further insult is called for to answer mine. Being perverse, human beings rarely take repayment in kind as settling the matter.
The injustice that causes one to attack another without reason is the same injustice that prevents the attacker from accepting as just and deserved the reprisal.
If Hamas orchestrates a murderous attack on Israeli noncombatants, and the IDF responds with a counter strike against Hamas combatants, the latter never consider that the score has been settled. Hamas will not say, "We attacked you, and you responded in kind, so now we are even."