Sweet gone Jack made such an effort to be a good boy, but failed so utterly as to break one's heart. Here is a Some of the Dharma entry (p. 127) written sometime between July and October 1954, before success and fame and alcohol undid him:
RESOLVED
One meal a day
No drinking of intoxicants
No maintaining of friendships
That, if I break any of these elementary rules of Buddhism, which have been my biggest obstacles, hindrances t othe attainment of contemplative happiness and joy of will, I will give up Buddhism forever. [He did break them and did give up Buddhism.]
Agreed, that I may finish the literary work I began, by the age of 40, after which my only work is to be in the Dharma Teaching, to be followed by all cessation of work, striving or mental effort when Nirvana is nigh and signs indicate there is no more to write and teach.
One meal a day means, the mind not to be taunted and tempted by the senses. (Sensation of taste left uncultivated.) No intoxicants means, the heart not to be deranged, beaten in, (as in excessive drinking), nor the brain hystericalized and over-filled with anxious drug-thoughts and irrelevant images. No maintaining of friendships means, no relations whatever to contaminate the good of contemplation, no pleasure-seeking, no ego-personality activity, no Co-Ignorance.
Quand tu t'ennui souffre . . .
Not drinking preserves contemplative strength
Eating once a day, contemplative sensitivity
No friends or lusts, contemplative serenity
Strength, Sensitivity, Serenity = Joy
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